MJ Hibbett steps in for John Lennon

Dear John
What about girls who have braces on their teeth, wear glasses, are very plump and have lots of freckles? Do they stand a chance?
Hopefully, Margaret K Pittsburgh

Dear Margaret K

Sorry for the long time it's
Taken me to reply
I was rather busy
Then suddenly I died

But as to your question
I also had wonky teeth
Imperfect skin and some weight gain
And couldn't hardly see

So I hope it's not detained you
In your later life
It didn't stop me and
Nor did it stop my wife.

Love,John

MJ Hibbett - known to his mother as “Mark”, his muso fans as “Slowhand” and his legions of groupies as “The Master” - poet (“Go fetch my wizard hat, because you can’t look more like a twat/If you’re intellectually satisfied with the wankings of prog-rock”), philosopher (“And remember the lesson of The Smiths/Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn’t mean it’s shit”) radio star (he’s been on the Steve Lurpak show on Radio 1 actually in person more than once), strong-jawed, broad-shouldered love god (just look!) and East Midlands guitar hero (just listen!) continues our series in which we successfully persuade Contemporary Rock Stars Of Some Stature to answer fan letters that were sent to The Beatles in 1964 but have lain unanswered in the intervening years.

We thought “MJ” (we’re not his mum, so we can’t call him Mark) was being a bit slack in responding to our polite request for him to be John Lennon, so our publicity team cajoled, browbeat and then, desperately but decisively, bribed him with some candid pictures of John Jervis, to respond with his worldly wisdom to Margaret K of Pittsburgh’s enquiry about the fickle, superficial nature of boys in the game of love, when he was “On The Road with his rock’n’roll band”. Can we have the pictures of John back, please? They were our only ones.

MJ Hibbett & the Validators have a new album, We Validate! for purchase
If you would like to win one, then make up a song titled "My Mum Calls Me Mark", using some of the information herein, and waive your rights to MJ's considerable future royalty cheques, and the best one will win a free, SIGNED, copy!

Disclaimer: we can't guarantee that MJ will actually send the winner a copy of the album, or even sign it if he does, seeing as we haven't asked him about this competition, or even that he'll perform your song on whatever radio show it is Steve Lurpak does these days. But it's worth a shot, isn't it? Good luck!

Disclaimer the second: MJ does not claim to be the reincarnation of John Lennon or to be able to channel Mr Lennon, conversationally or musically, from the grave, so don't contact MJ if you want to ask Lennon about something.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We are still looking for Contemporary Rock Stars Of Some Stature to answer Beatles fan mail. Please get in touch if you fit the bill, but especially if you are Paul or Ringo (either will do).