To Justine, the dark haired, pretty Irish girl I met at the Luminaire in Kilburn on 8 Jan. I lost your number. Please get in touch. CRYSTAL PALACE ANDY
January 8 at the Luminaire was, many of you will know, a Clientele gig. I’ve been to many Clientele gigs in the past, but have recently denied myself their aural pleasure due to the rampant, pernicious PERVATALISM among their followers.
I want to go to a gig, not a meat market. Oh, to be able to enjoy an indiepop gig without roaming eyes undressing me. Also – and I realise this will come as a crushing disappointment to all female readers of this blog – I’m taken.
Still, good luck, Andy. If it helps, you may be comforted to know that before my ascension to love god status, there were dark days for me in my quest to find a suitable vessel for my son and heir. Days when I doubted my ability to penetrate every woman alive. There were even moments, but only moments, when I questioned whether my haircut ‘worked’.