Friday, January 18, 2008

Indiepop Lovin'

Wednesday’s edition of The London Paper carried this classified:
To Justine, the dark haired, pretty Irish girl I met at the Luminaire in Kilburn on 8 Jan. I lost your number. Please get in touch. CRYSTAL PALACE ANDY

January 8 at the Luminaire was, many of you will know, a Clientele gig. I’ve been to many Clientele gigs in the past, but have recently denied myself their aural pleasure due to the rampant, pernicious PERVATALISM among their followers.

I want to go to a gig, not a meat market. Oh, to be able to enjoy an indiepop gig without roaming eyes undressing me. Also – and I realise this will come as a crushing disappointment to all female readers of this blog – I’m taken.

Still, good luck, Andy. If it helps, you may be comforted to know that before my ascension to love god status, there were dark days for me in my quest to find a suitable vessel for my son and heir. Days when I doubted my ability to penetrate every woman alive. There were even moments, but only moments, when I questioned whether my haircut ‘worked’.

18 comments:

martijn said...

Wow.. that Andy must be pretty desperate. Looks like, unless Justine decides to get in touch, the Clientele will have at least one person attending their gigs for the next 50 years.

FireEscape said...

Desperate? Well, my sources tell me that Andy From Crystal Palace has also contacted the promoters, Track and Field, and the venue, the Luminaire, begging for their assistance.

Good luck, mate. Maybe The Clientele will play your wedding.

Oh, Tim Hopkins attends all Clientele gigs home and abroad. Tim and Andy will become good mates soon, I imagine.

Anonymous said...

Oi! Leave it out, Mr Surname-Sensitive.

Also I am not going to the Clientele show next Friday so NER.

Tx

Crystal Palace Andy said...

Please. Someone must know her.

Her surname was Flashman, or Fleischmann, or something like that.

FireEscape said...

I've asked the promoter if there's someone with that name (or similar) who's bought a ticket. Will let you know if there is (if he's allowed to tell me, that is).

You should go to the gig on Friday. If she likes The Clientele - and if she likes you - she'll probably be there, no?

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

FireEscape said...

The promoter says this:
"it's sold out.

"there's no justine o'fishwoman on the ticket sales list. harvey
williams, gregory webster and pete momtchiloff are though. surely that's enough excitement without bringing girls into it?"

I'm not sure I can take that much excitement. Phew, indiepop!

crystal palace andy said...

Thanks, fireescape!

I think I'll get there early and pretend to be Harvey Williams on the door.

I mean, I've got a pair of dem jeans.

Anonymous said...

is the show at the buffalo bar really sold out????

FireEscape said...

Anon: That's what the promoter said. I had no reason to doubt him and he had no reason to lie.

Andy, I'm not sure what "dem jeans" are, or what their connection to Harvey might be, but you'd certainly need his credit card to get in, as well as the confident swagger befitting an indiepop legend (and be on first-name terms with whoever's doing the door - Harv knows everyone).

crystal palace andy said...

I can 'be' Harvey Willaims. I mean, just who does he think he is? Nicky Fuckin' Haslam?

It's all about the Justine, y'all.

harveyw said...

No, Andy, you can't; much as I sympathise with your plight (I've already written a number of songs about it).
And, yes, what are "dem jeans"?

cristal palace andy said...

Dem jeans
Dem jeans
Dem blue jeans

Anonymous said...

Martijn: the boy isn't desperate, he's clearly just an incorrigible romantic...

They say indie addles the brain... I wouldnt know. The last indie album I bought was Change Giver...

Perhaps Martijn, you should take that stray consonant and stick it up yr a**e?

Love

Peter Noone

FireEscape said...

Cool it, tough guy. There's a chance you're confused between "incorrigible romantic" and "wide boy that got knocked back by indie girl not giving him her number, calling herself Justine Frischmann as a joke because bloke obviously knows nothing about that indie music(note his quoting of Puff Daddy and Ghostface Killah in the above comments) and will not realise the knock back until he is long gone". But I speculate.

Anonymous said...

Hehe, I just think fair play to the bloke. Most lads (myself included) would have crawled back home and listened to "The Queen is Dead", and felt a bit sorry for themselves.

The fact that he is prepared to make a bit of a fool of himself and isnt taking himself too seriously is laudable. I suspect there is a heavy dose of irony mixed in with his comments. If he gets the girl then good luck to him, hell probably f**k it up by virtue of his own personality, but lets hope he gets the chance to do that..

I just get fed up with reading these blogs and snide/sarcastic comments. Its easy to point the finger and laugh but why not just say "fair f**ks, what a heroic idiot"?

And have you considered the possibility that you can listen to hip hop and fey skinny boys with guitars? ;-) (That is meant as a joke...)

FireEscape said...

He probably has fucked it up already by "virtue of his own personality". His overly bullish remarks suggest someone not so much blinded by love but someone to be avoided.
*wearily* I'm quite sure you can listen to both hip hop and "fey skinny(?!) boys" (Mr X & Mr Z). I'm just as sure, however, that the rather cringeworthy adoption of hip hop's bullish argot is not going to win the heart of a female Clientele fan...

Anonymous said...

" I'm just as sure, however, that the rather cringeworthy adoption of hip hop's bullish argot is not going to win the heart of a female Clientele fan..."

he he, I agree with you on that mate.. I'm not trying to be a "troll" on your blog (or what ever the correct term is for it) and cause an argument with anyone. I admittedly jumped in with both feet, having a pop at another poster, for which I apologise.. (Bored at work and a little hungover...).

From looking at other discussions of this, I suspect that the comments left on here may not be from the same person posting else where under the "CP Andy" monicker... (Elsewhere he appears to be a bit more sensitive and a little less from the "Crystal Palace ghetto"

Anyway it is all a bit of a pointless discussion as like you say if the comments here are anything to go by and are genuine, then he doesnt deserve someone sticking up for him. However, they seen very different in tone to things written elsewhere...

And with regards to my comment about listening to different types of music, I WAS only joking... its just one of those arguments that ive heard wheeled out again and again over the years. I was making fun of it rather than trying to perpetuate it. No offense intended...

FireEscape said...

ATTENTION, READERS: The dickwad upthread claiming to be "Crystal Palace Andy" (or even at one stage "Cristal") is an imposter. The real Crystal Palace Andy emailed to clear his name:
"I'd rather not have it on my conscience that my moniker had grievously offended either yourself, Justine Frischman, Nicky Halsem, anonymous people, hip hop or fey indie fans. Or anyone else really."
So, Justine, your suitor is not the Puff Daddy fan who ended up at a Clientele gig accidentally.
Again, good luck. This time to the real Crystal Palace Andy.

Er, I still don't know who Nicky Haslem is.