Monday, June 04, 2007

MJ Hibbett versus The Chemistry Experiment

Many months ago – so many, in fact, that it was actually LAST YEAR – I sent The Chemistry Experiment some questions for them to answer. Let’s call it an INTERVIEW because that’s what it WAS.

Now, I appreciate that they are INTERNATIONAL RECORDING STARS, but I didn’t BARGAIN for them being quite so FECKLESS and drug-addled that this might be too much trouble.

I am happy to recognise that in retrospect some of the questions aren’t that GOOD, but there are two that I wanted answered. A gallant MJ Hibbett stepped forward to answer them in their STEAD so that we might be apprised of The Truth and that a lesson in Interview Technique and Manners could be taught.

Thanks, Mark.

If you all had names like The Edge and Sting rather than Steve and Paul would you sell more records?
YES - but only as long as they changed the name of the band to U2 or The Police instead...actually, that's not a bad idea, do you think anybody would mind if I changed my name to The Beatles?

Who would win in a fight, MJ "Mark" Hibbett or a dinosaur?
What a silly question - what TYPE of dinosaur eh? I could HAVE a Compsognathus but I'd probably not fancy myself against a Iguanodon, especially if it'd been drinking Stella. Nasty.

Perhaps in return for your kindness, Mark, I could offer you some advice on how to sell more records. In 1993 Boom! Shake The Room won the Smash Hits Readers’ Poll Best Single prize, pipping Go West by the Pet Shop Boys to the post. A beleaguered Neil Tennant observed rather accurately that if they’d called their effort “Boom! Go West!” they would’ve won.

To this end, might I suggest you prefix all of your songs with the word “Boom!” to maximize sales figures and chart-domination potential (“Boom! She Tastes Like Sugar” “Boom! Chips And Cheese Pint Of Wine” and so on). Don’t forget to buy me a pint of wine when you’re a millionaire recording star.

Finally, and most importantly, in the light of Mark’s good work here and his much greater work for many great ends, I have started a petition to have his efforts recognised in Mr Blair’s Resignation Honours List. Please look at the petition. I hope you sign it.

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